Nothing too profound to share here today. My school year is off and running--I have one class section I haven't met up with yet, but that will happen tomorrow morning. All is humming along well so far! I posted this on Instagram yesterday, truly reflecting on how well things have started off for me this year...
I was not expecting my day today--despite all the good things happening as the new school year was beginning--to get derailed.
Today was our first chapel service of the year. You need to understand how very much I love chapel at Dordt. This was not the case when I was a student, to be fair. But at this stage of my life? I hate to miss it! Our President has quipped before, "We don't have mandatory chapel at Dordt...we have awesome chapel." I think he's right--and lots of our students do too.
And so, there I was, along with 1000+ others; students, faculty, staff, and friends of the college, all gathering together to pause in the middle of our Wednesday for worship and the Word.
The second song we sang today was "So Will I." It's a pretty powerful song, praising God as Creator, Sustainer, and Savior. It's newish (to me, at least) but I love it. If you're not familiar with the song, here it is, with lyrics included:
I was derailed by this song today.
In the middle of singing it, I suddenly got completely choked up, and tears started welling up in my eyes.
Here's the bit that got me:
God of salvation
You chased down my heart
Through all of my failure and pride
On a hill You created
The light of the world
Abandoned in darkness to die
And as You speak
A hundred billion failures disappear
Where You lost Your life so I could find it here
If You left the grave behind You so will I
I can see Your heart in everything You’ve done
Every part designed in a work of art called love
If You gladly chose surrender so will I
I can see Your heart
Eight billion different ways
Every precious one
A child You died to save
If You gave Your life to love them so will I
Like You would again a hundred billion times
But what measure could amount to Your desire
You’re the One who never leaves the one behind
This speaks to me so, so strongly, and for several different reasons.
This speaks to me because I recognize my need for a Savior. That line about failure and pride? That's me. I really wrestle with being "enough"--and I worry far too much of what other people think of me. And so when I fall flat on my face (failures) I try to hide it (pride.) Somehow I think if I just work a little harder, do a little more for Jesus, I can somehow earn it, even though I know how ridiculous that really is, even as I write this.
This speaks to me because I recognize that my identity truly is in Christ. I keep wrestling, because of my sinful, human nature. But I live because He lives! His sacrifice was out of deep, deep love. That line, "And as You speak a hundred billion failures disappear..." has me literally tearing up as I write this. I know how broken I am on the inside, how dark and twisty, and how much I try to hide all of that from anyone else. And yet, he loves me enough to die for me. That He would love ME this much? It's too much to take, and all I can do is cry in gratitude!
This speaks to me because I recognize that it's not just me He loves. Jesus loves me, yes. But he loves you, and everyone else, and this whole world He has made too. That line, "I can see Your heart eight billion different ways, every precious one a child You died to save" is hitting me so hard right now as I'm planning for my geography lessons for the next few class meetings. Our essential questions in this class are "Who is my neighbor?" and "What does it mean to love my neighbor as myself?" This idea is just ringing through me right now: Christ died for me, for you, for all! How should we respond? How should the church respond to the big problems so ever-present in this sin-tainted world? I'm feeling tearfully challenged right now...and my lesson plans are already changing--for the better I hope.
Wow, this was a lot more personal than many of my posts have been in the past year. I guess I'm just baring my soul here because getting derailed this way was actually just what I needed, and I'm learning that writing is thinking for me.
I guess I'm hoping that you might get derailed too.
Dave, when you start a post off as "Nothing too profound to share here today," and I see that line on my Feedly (where I subscribe to many teachers' posts), I skip over it, and don't click on it. Then I rethink - Joy, you love his posts - who cares what it's about? - and I scroll back up and click on it to read later.
ReplyDeleteThank goodness I did. I learned more about you - and about myself - from this blog post than from any other I've read this Saturday morning. Suggestion for next time - read over and edit that first line after you've written the rest and grab your readers' attention, Bud. THEY will be glad you did.
With much respect,
Joy