Moving and Change

We moved to a new home last week. It was an adventure, and still is, I guess, since all our stuff is in the new house but we are still figuring out where it is, and where it should be. When one of the kids unloads the dishwasher, it takes three times longer than it used to, because for almost every item they have to bring it to Mom with a, "And where does this go?" And it's not just the kids, it's me too: "Honey, have you seen the box with extension cords in it?" and "Where did we put the blender now? I thought it was in this cupboard..."

New house: Brick! Walking distance from campus! 

Moving means recalibrating. We get to find new "normal" places for our stuff. We get to figure out traffic patterns for how we function together in this space. We get to (try to) figure out which switches control which lights. We get to settle in to new routines.

I say "get to" rather than "have to," but there is a fine line here, I think. I'm a creature of habit, honestly. And I don't yet have habits in this new place, and there is a low-intensity, background level of stress for me, I think. I'm definitely excited to be in the new place! But change isn't easy, and moving demands change.

I had a nice chat with one of our (former) neighbors a few days before the move. She stopped by to give us some strawberries she had just picked, and to basically say how much they would miss having us in the neighborhood. (We're going to miss them too!) While we chatted, she said something that struck me as very wise: "Moving often involves a grieving process." I hadn't really thought of it that way before, but it makes a lot of sense to me. This doesn't minimize the excitement for me of moving to the new house...but I do feel a sense of grief at leaving the old place.

I snapped this the last time I left the old house. Silly face, but it's real sadness behind those eyes.

After we moved all our stuff into the new place with the help of family and friends, my wife and kids and I went back to clean up the old house for the last time. I was surprised with just how emotional I got as we were leaving. I have so many great memories from this home--our kids growing up here from preschoolers to high schoolers, family mealtimes, 4th of July parties we hosted, Christmas traditions, adding a dog to our family, taking evening walks around the neighborhood with my wife, the whole cul-de-sac coming over to help us dig out after a blizzard...lots of happy times. There were some sad times, and stressful times too, of course. But overwhelmingly, I felt grateful for the time we had in this space. And even as I'm writing this, I'm getting a little choked up again. I'm not embarrassed about this, exactly, but it's still a little surprising to me. I didn't expect to grieve, but here I am.

Change sometimes means grieving. It doesn't mean good things aren't still to come, and that the thing you're changing to isn't a good thing! But there is often a sense of loss that comes with it. The mixture of emotions--joy, and excitement, and a little melancholy sorrow all at the same time--is a normal human response to change.

I'm thinking about this as an educator today as well: we often see change as an opportunity. Kids complete a grade level, and change to a new teacher next year. We might change subjects we teach, or change classrooms, or change grade levels as teachers. Change happens as colleagues come and go. Change happens as curricular emphases shift. Change happens with new professional development initiatives, and unfamiliar textbook series, and different classroom furniture. And all of it can be an unsettling mix of excitement about the new and sorrow for what has to be left behind.

If you are in the midst of a change, and feeling a swirl of emotions about it, I see you. I affirm you in that messy in-between time where you aren't sure where the boxes with all the socks and the good dishes ended up. I feel you in that excitement about the new and the grieving of what you've given up.

We'll get through this, with memories of what was before and opportunities in what is to come!