Rhythms, and Resting, and Taking Breaks

I'm back in the office. It was a lovely Christmas Break for me. And...it was a true break for me. From December 23 through January 3, I did not come to campus at all. I didn't even check my email.

Wow, I needed that.

Don't hear me wrong, it's not as though I was trying to avoid work because I dread it, or dislike it, or anything like that. (I suspect if you've read this blog for any length of time, you know just how much I LOVE what I get to do as a professor!) I've written before here on the blog about how I don't like the term "work-life balance" and prefer to talk about "work-life rhythm" instead. Maybe that's just semantics, but I think it is true, because my work is an incredibly important part of my life, and not something I feel like I need to "balance" with other things. But as soon as I say that...I know I really did need the break, perhaps more than usual. I needed to rest.

Teaching is always hard work, but the past two years have been doubly so. And, challenging as teaching in higher education has been for me, I know it's been even more demanding for my colleagues in PreK-12. I've written before about the emotional labor of teaching, and I think 2020 and 2021 only exacerbated the already challenging work in this regard. I know I've felt it too, and though I find deep joy in my work--and take tremendous pleasure in it--it's been, well, a LOT.

And so, a true break. Truly resting from being "productive." No real "work." Not even checking the email.

It wasn't easy for me at first. I actually had to remove my email app from my phone, because I realize that there is a weird magnetism that just draws my thumb to that app icon. In the first few days, I noticed just how often I pick up my phone and check my email, because with that app icon's absence, I found myself accidentally opening other apps where I just naturally tap. Odd how easily I was conditioned to do this. (And now that I've disrupted that habit? I'm wondering if I should even put the app back in place once the new term begins.) Is it silly for me to go on and on about how big a deal this was for me? Maybe. But I think it's part of a mindshift for me from that "always on" part of working to a real break.

So, instead of working all the time...I was deliberately non-productive. I played games with family and friends. I read a novel. I did jigsaw puzzles. I ate a lot of Christmassy treats. (Ooof...and I got on the treadmill...) I took my kids out for breakfast, just the three of us. I got coffee with friends a couple of times, just to talk and connect. I finally started watching Ted Lasso, which so many people had recommended. (And I'm definitely enjoying it!) So much good stuff, and it was lovely to make space to do this instead of working.

And now I'm reflecting a bit: why is it that I need to give myself permission to do this kind of break-taking?

I heard a great sermon this past Sunday, a message about ensuring we have margin in our lives for the things that we really care about and that really matter to us. I needed to hear this. One phrase that has kept ringing in my head since hearing it Sunday morning was a call out of the "Cult of Productivity" that is so, so prevalent in our culture. And...ooof...that's me, a priest in the Cult of Productivity. How much do I prioritize being productive? What would it look like for me to cultivate being present first and foremost? What would I have to say "no" to--limiting my productivity--in order to have more of this kind of margin in my life?

I don't really have any New Year's Resolutions this year, not formally anyway. But I'm already thinking about things I can, and should, say "no" to, not bowing to the cult of productivity. I've already said one "no" to a great opportunity, and it's only January 4. What else will I say "no" to this year? And how will that help me continue to find better rhythms?

We'll see where I'm at come Summer Break!

Image by Ralf Designs via Pixabay

The People are the Work

It's a crazy week for me.

I was out of town last week, so I'm playing catch up on marking papers.

I've had a bunch of extra meetings for different committees and commitments.

It's registration season for the next semester, and advisees are coming out of the woodwork to ask me to weigh in.

Visiting student teachers, keeping up with my two students working on independent study projects, and--oh yeah--I have classes to teach(!) means it's a full, full week.

And then, a student stops by, and just asks if I have a few minutes to talk.

So, with a bit of an internal sigh, I put a smile on my face and turn away from my laptop, gesture toward the ramshackle little couch I have in my office, and turn in my chair to give her my full attention, even as I think to myself, "I have things to do..."

This junky little couch moved in to this office the same day I did.

I'm Not Superman

Facebook is a weird partial record of parts of my life that I decide to show online. It's always a little interesting to see what pops up in my personal "this day in Facebook history" each day. For instance, this one was today, six years ago:

The comments in response to this post (there were 20 of them!) were pretty funny to read through. Some were encouraging, like a former student who said, "People ask you for help cause your AWESOME!!!"  Some were a little more pointed, such as the family member who said, "Build a bridge and get over it..." Others were empathetic, along the lines of a friend from church who responded, "I had that too!" And still others were just a little weird, like a college friend who suggested, "Just duct tape your thumbs down and explain it can't be down without opposable thumbs." (I love that last one...)

I'm reflecting back, trying to remember exactly what the context was. I know I was serving as Technology Coordinator in a K-8 school at that time, and given that it was nearing the first day of school, I suspect this was in response to a whole slew of, "Hey, Dave...can you help me a minute with ________?"

There were a lot of those kinds of questions, honestly. And it's in my nature to try and be helpful. This comes out of a sense of obligation to doing excellent work at my professional commitments, sure. But, when I'm honest about it, it's also partly out of a drive to want people to think highly of me, to see me as some kind of Superman who can swoop in to save the day.

That's insidious, isn't it? But, as I've written before (here and here), the challenge for me is that if I can do something, it's often a quick slide to I should do something. When people come asking for my help and I can help, does that automatically mean I should do the thing they are asking me to do?

I'm not Superman. I cannot do all of the things. I should not do all of the things.

And yet...there is this awful pull for me that somehow I feel like I'm letting people down if I don't.

So this year, I'm practicing saying "no." I am working on making my default response to requests a kind, gentle "no." After four crazy years of grad school while working full time, my hope is that I'll be able to better prioritize in my life. By saying "no" to most things--even the good things--I'll be better able to say "yes" to things that I really need to devote my attention toward, and be excellent at those things. Call it a year of Sabbath...or a Year of Jubilee, even.

So, if you ask me to help out and I say "no," please don't be offended. It's not you. It's just that I'm not Superman. :-)

Image by Cia Gould. [CC BY 2.0]

Comprehensive Exams

I have not posted much lately because I have been working on preparing for my comprehensive exams, and then writing my exams.

This has been so, so challenging for me. I know, of course...it's supposed to be challenging. And truthfully, I am feeling quite well-prepared for this. It's just trying to write while working around all the other parts of my life...sometimes it has me feeling like...

Those of you who know me well might be able to see this. Those who don't perhaps know me as well might be surprised. (Actually, I'm all dark and twisty on the inside...)

Honestly, things are going pretty well for the actual writing, but I there are times that I sort of hit a wall, so I start reading more to get on top of things, or hopefully break through.

The problem with that is, sometimes I find a new article or chapter to read, and all of a sudden, I'm like...

I'm not writing this for any sympathy or words of affirmation or anything like that. I know that I chose this, and the stress is temporary, if even of my own doing. (As my friend, Tom, reminds me, "I'm not busy...my life is rich and full!")

But if you could give my wife and kids a little extra encouragement, I think that would be welcome. They have been amazing, actually, throughout this process, and I'm so grateful for them.

Thanks for reading all. You guys are the best.

Making Moments Matter

I spent last week serving at Royal Family Kids Camp; a camp for kids who are in the foster care system. I've worked at many different camps over the past 20 years, and this one was unique for a variety of reasons. Our main goal: show these kids that they are loved, and not because of anything they have done...in a 1 John 4:19 kind of way. ("We love because he first loved us.")

I'm hesitant to call it a "life-changing experience," but only because that seems like hyperbole. I know that my thinking, my heart, and my faith were pulled, pushed, and shaped through my experiences last week, and I'm still thinking about it all. (Honestly, I've started writing a post about it a couple of times, and I am just not able to pull it all together just yet.)

But one thing I'll share...

What's In Your Desk Drawer? Day 3

(This post is part of a series about the weird stuff teachers have in their desk drawers. You can read more about this project here, and I hope you'll share the stories of the weird stuff you have in your desk too!)

Glasses from LensCrafters, circa 1999.

I don't wear glasses. At least not regularly...not yet.

But I have a pair of glasses in or on my desk all the time.

This goes back to my first year of teaching, when I was serving as de facto Technology Coordinator at a relatively small Christian school. I taught 6th-8th math, and a high school computer class, and in all my "spare time" as a first year teacher, I kept the school's collection of (mostly donated) IBM 486 and Pentium computers running to the best of my ability.

The Problem with Work-Life Balance

I think of myself as a team player, someone others can rely on to pitch in and help out when possible.

Honestly, this is a struggle for me sometimes, because I tend to be a people-pleaser, and I have a hard time saying "no" to things. My challenge is this: if I have the gifts/talents/strengths to help someone who is in need of that set of gifts/talents/strengths, it feels wrong for me not to help them. I feel like I'm failing them, and I guess...like I'm failing God somehow too. I believe He is the one who has given me these gifts, after all. And I believe He has called me to use them for the good of the body--to help and support others.

Right now, the struggle for me is striking a balance between my work life, my studies, home and family life, church commitments, and still carving out some time for myself. I love all of these parts of my life, and I don't want to drop the ball on any of them. But that's a real challenge! There are only so many hours in a day, and sometimes, something has to give...