Finding Gratitude by Way of an Email from the Past

This morning I checked my gmail, which I do periodically...though not every day. Actually, it had been a few days since I'd last logged in. There was a surprising message waiting for me. The sender? Well, it was me. But I sent it to myself last year at this time.

The subject of the email? "A Letter from May 8, 2020." The sender? "FutureMe."

Now, I've used futureme.org before--it's a pretty nifty tool to send yourself a message in the future. You compose your message, choose a future date, and enter an email address that you'll have access to at the time the message should be delivered. The message stays on futureme.org's servers until then, and they send it out for you.

But this email was truly a surprise. I do not recall sending this email to myself at all--probably the stress of that time of my life? It was a fascinating window into my past reading this one today. Here's what past me (of May 2020) wrote to future me (of May 2021):

Dear Future Dave,

Wow. We are in the thick of COVID-19 social distancing, and it's been about 7 weeks now. You are currently grading exams for EDUC 334 students--they are doing amazing at summing up their learning, even though it has been a crazy second half of the semester being distance learning. You did a fine job of pivoting Science Methods to an online format. Congratulations on putting your knowledge and skills into practice in a way that really benefited your students, by ensuring that the main thing remained the main thing.

You told several people recently that your big regret in all of this was not saying a better "goodbye" to your students before they left for Spring Break, because that was the last time you met up with them. You've been hard on yourself with your typically high expectations for your teaching practice. But you've also been gracious with your students, remembering that they are whole humans. Keep doing that, and keep focusing on *learning* over "grading."

You are a good teacher. You recently completed your 8-year interview process, and passed with flying colors. Your students value the work you are doing, and the way you model teaching for them. Don't be so hard on yourself, yeah?

Remember to be grateful for what you've got. You are healthy, you have meaningful work that seems stable, your kids--even though they drive you crazy sometimes--are pretty amazing, and your wife is incredible. You are blessed!

Don't forget to be awesome,

Past Dave

Is it weird if an email I sent myself--one that I don't even remember sending!--got me a little choked up? Because that happened.

This year...whew, what a year! But past me was right: I do have a lot to be grateful for, even in the midst of a whole lot of awful in the pandemic school year of 2020-2021. 

Image by Mark Rosemaker via Pixabay

Gratitude at the End of the Semester

I have written less this semester than any time since I started this blog.

In 2012, when I began teaching in higher education full-time, I started this blog. At that time--foolishly--I thought that people would suddenly care what I had to say. I was a professor, after all!

Very quickly I realized that very few people much cared about what I had to say. My early pontifications are pretty funny to read from this vantage point, seven and a half years later. This blog quickly pivoted to my personal reflection space, a place to think out loud about what I am reading, what I am exploring, what I am trying in my classroom, what I am researching.

And it's funny...when I made that switch, a few more people started reading along, and sharing their stories with me as well.

So I'm actually feeling a little sad that I haven't had much time to write this semester. I've just been playing keep-up all the time. And I've had to carve off some of the non-essentials to keep on keeping-on, and the blogging was often a casualty.

But here I am, at the end of my 15th semester of full-time teaching in higher education. I recently shared with a colleague just how much I enjoy everything I get to do serving here. It's the truth too: I am reaching a point where I'm spread too thin, and I'm going to have to give some things up, and that's really hard for me to do...because I just love it all so much.

So I'm left with a sense of deep gratitude--gratitude born out of real joy in the work I get to do.

Gratitude toward my undergrad students, the amazing future teachers I get to serve as they prepare to join this demanding profession.

Gratitude toward my grad students, the incredible practicing educators I get to walk beside as they continue to grow and learn and develop their own teaching practices.

Gratitude toward the high-functioning team I am a part of in the Education department, for colleagues who challenge me to keep getting better, and who are also encouraging me to right-size my work and not bite off more than I can chew.

Gratitude toward the administration, staff, faculty from across the institution, and the broader community of support that makes Dordt University such an incredible place to serve.

Gratitude that I feel like I have truly found my calling.

Here's hoping that I will have a little more margin and a little more time to keep writing here in the new semester!

Image via Pixabay